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vacation all i ever wanted... [Jul. 11th, 2009|01:01 am]
[Current Location |room]
[Current Mood |exhaustedexhausted]
[Current Music |trapt - contagious]

leaving in the am for ocean city, nj for 2 weeks. i need this so bad it's not funny. i'm really tired right now, but i will update from the beach =)
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(no subject) [Jul. 11th, 2009|01:01 am]
Your dating personality profile:

Adventurous - Just sitting around the house is not something that appeals to you. You love to be out trying new things and really experiencing life.
Romantic - You know exactly how to melt your date's heart. Romance comes naturally to you and is an important component of any relationship you have.
Intellectual - You consider your mind amongst your assets. Learning is not a chore but a constant search after wisdom and knowledge. You value education and rationality.
Your Top Ten Traits

1. Adventurous
2. Romantic
3. Intellectual
4. Religious
5. Traditional
6. Athletic
7. Big-Hearted
8. Conservative
9. Funny
10. Practical
Your date match profile:

Conservative - Forget liberals, you need a conservative match. Political discussions interest you, and a conservative will offer the viewpoint you need.
Big-Hearted - You want someone compassionate, someone gentle and kind. A loving, nurturing person will fill that hole in your life.
Adventurous - You are looking for someone who is willing to try new things and experience life to its fullest. You need a companion who encourages you to take risks and do exciting things.
Your Top Ten Match Traits

1. Conservative
2. Big-Hearted
3. Adventurous
4. Shy
5. Romantic
6. Funny
7. Religious
8. Practical
9. Traditional
10. Intellectual

Take the Dating Profile Quiz at Would I Date You
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drowning face down.... [Jul. 7th, 2009|09:46 pm]
[Tags|, ]
[Current Location |my room]
[Current Mood |draineddrained]
[Current Music |saving abel - drowning (face down)]

i've been crazy busy with work lately. i worked 2 full 5 day weeks and then this past weekend i only had july 4th off, and i've been working since sunday. smart, i know. considering i signed up voluntarily to work on sunday. but i am going on vacation starting saturday, so i can overwork myself and then go veg on the beach.

i have all my clothes packed, i just need to get my toiletries and odds and ends together. and most importantly, picking out all the books i want to bring with me to read at the beach/pool side. who needs clothes, books are more important people! i plan to reread half-blood prince before the movie, but other than that, i have to figure out which are going to come with me. this of course does not include the books i will be buying while on vacation, lol.

ok, well, i need to shower, get ready for bed, and read some stuff online, then pass out b/c it's up at 5am again...

on a good note, i have managed to pass a jugular catheter last friday and give an epidural last week. they want me to start working cases on my own, so right now they have people shadowing me in case i have questions, but they want me to start being on my own. scary but fun.

ok, time to go. if i don't update again b4 the weekend, i will be updating from the beach next. ocean city, here i come....
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exit light, enter night [Jun. 20th, 2009|10:24 am]
[Tags|, ]
[Current Location |living room couch]
[Current Mood |draineddrained]
[Current Music |sleepy hollow]

well, the boards are over and my head hurts and i feel numb. i think all the studying and stress got to me and i'm totally burnt out. i don't want to think for the rest of the weekend. i am afraid to think i did okay and jinx myself, but there is nothing i can do about it now except wait for my score....

after the exam a few of us went to a bar for lunch and drinks, well, they drank, lol. it was a nice place, playing good music and i had chicken curry and rice that was great. on the way home i treated myself to some chocolate cake from zaro's for the train ride. yummy.

and if my day wasn't stressful enough, i waited over 20 minutes to be picked up from the train after calling 2 HOURS before it was supposed to get it to let them know. 3 of us were going to grand central, so we got there early and i called once i knew what train i was going to get, and said WHEN IT WAS GETTING IN! 4:43 please pick me up. i was told, ok, no problem. i get off the train, and i have to pee, and oh, wait, no car! so i call my mom and ask who was coming to get me and why noone was here. well apparently my sister had left at like 4:25 to get me but was "going to put air in the tires on the way." ok, it takes 10 minutes to get to the station from my house. even if she took a while putting air in, she should have been there already. so i call her cell phone FOR OVER 10 MINUTES before she decides to pick up. she lies and says there was an accident and she is stuck but almost there. so she doesn't get to me until after 5. she tells me she has never put air in b4 and didn't know she was going to get me and blah blah blah. when i talked to my brother brian later he said she knew from when i called she was the one picking me up. if my mom wanted her to put air in the tires, she should have left sooner and if she did take too long, all she had to do was call me to let me know she was on her way but late. i wouldn't have been mad if that was the case. but instead, my phone calls are ignored and i'm left waiting at the station for 20 minutes. so she tried to say it took her 35 minutes to get from our house, get air in the tires, and then to the station. bull shit.

and then my mom was acting like i had no right to be angry. well, i just took one of the most stressful and important tests of my life, i'm mentally and physically exhausted, is it too much to ask to be picked up on time?

so yeah, i'm just planning on vegging today and trying not to think. i am going to order that bathing suit in black and hopefully it will get here before i leave for vacation. unfortunitely i have to go shopping in the next 2 weeks for summer clothes b/c i really don't have any. ugh, i hate clothes shopping. i need someone to go with me b/c my self esteem sucks and i get defeated really easy and would rather spend my money on books, music, and movies. shows where my priorities lie, lol.

ok, off to do nothing all day. hopefully....
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a favor to ask [Jun. 18th, 2009|01:13 pm]
[Current Location |home, studying]
[Current Mood |stressedstressed]
[Current Music |korn - alone i break]

pray for me or send me positive energy or something like that

tomorrow is my board exam and i'm trying not to totally freak out. i've been studying and i'm just so nervous.

i have to catch the 5:17am train tomorrow to get down there, ugh. i don't think i'm going to get a good night's sleep. oh well, i can come home and crash afterwards. but in the meantime....


may god have mercy on my soul....
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deep breaths.... [Jun. 17th, 2009|01:53 pm]
[Current Location |home, studying]
[Current Mood |anxiousanxious]
[Current Music |the ramones - i want to be sedated]

the boards are friday, so naturally, i'm freaking out.

it feels like even though i know a lot, there is so much i'm not sure of and with my luck that's what they will concentrate on.

well, this was just a post to panic....

back to studying and freaking out
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i need advice! HELP!! [Jun. 14th, 2009|05:57 pm]
[Current Location |home, studying]
[Current Mood |busybusy]
[Current Music |drowning pool - bodies]

so, since i now know i can go on vacation to ocean city in july, i need to order a new bathing suit. i found one i like, or at least i think i do. my mom got a lands' end catalog in the mail and i liked a few of the styles and now i can't figure out which print to get. with either one i am getting a black bottom. they are the same style, i just don't know which print i like better. i need to get a tankini b/c i'm 1 size up top and another on the bottom. so i'm posting a link to the top i like. the 2 colors i'm choosing between is the blue and the black. so if you could give me your honest opinion as to which you think is better. HELP!!!!

bathing suit help!
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insomnia [Jun. 6th, 2009|03:06 am]
[Current Location |my room]
[Current Mood |tiredtired]
[Current Music |mr. sandman bring me a dream.....]

insomnia i hate you.

i couldn't take my ambien b/c i have to get up @6 to go with my dad and brother out to psu to help him look at a new apartment. i know state college so well, so i am tagging along to help make it easier. but now i'm going to get like 2.5-3 hours of sleep if i'm lucky. why can't my body get into a somewhat normal sleeping pattern???? i can't fall asleep until 3-4am, sometimes later, and then of course i don't want to get up until noonish b/c i haven't even been able to get 8 hours of sleep. and if i take the ambien, i'm OUT for longer than 8 hours.

and it's not like i'm not tired. i WANT to fall asleep, i just can't. DAMN YOU DEPRESSION FOR GIVING ME THIS INSOMNIA!!!! between the depression and the anxiety, even though i'm on meds, i still can't fucking sleep. i tried to go to bed just after 12. i tossed and turned until almost 1:30. i tried watching some tv. that didn't work. so i came online to check a few things and then i'm going to try again.

i am so tired. is it too much to ask to be able to sleep?
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i have a sick sense of humor [Jun. 5th, 2009|03:16 pm]
[Current Location |home]
[Current Mood |busybusy]
[Current Music |disturbed - the night]

this picture makes me laugh every time i see it, so i thought i would share. enjoy =)

back to studying
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I HAVE A JOB!!!! [Jun. 4th, 2009|04:52 pm]
[Current Location |home, studying]
[Current Mood |excitedexcited]
[Current Music |skillet - last night]

so, i've been keeping in contact with bill, my supervisor from the amc while i was there doing my externship. he had emailed me the week after i finished to ask if i was still interested in the per diem work we had discussed and i said definitely. he had been on vacation and we finally got back in contact. he asked if i would be interested in working starting next week. i mentioned how i'm studying for the boards, but i would be willing to do a day or 2 a week before that. so i'm going to work tuesday and friday next week and then maybe one day the week of the boards. but then he said that after the exam that they could use me 4-5 days a week for the summer!!!!! this is such a relief and i liked it there so much, so i don't have to worry about getting used to a new environment and new people (which is murder for me with my anxiety). and if they have a full time position later, maybe they will offer it to me. but oh, i'm just so relived and happy. this is a great hospital and i get to see so much and people are so nice and help (or at least in my experience). i was so scared before i started there because i heard all of these horror stories about how i would get left in the dust and people are so cut throat. i never came across that in the 5 months i was there and everyone was so helpful and they were great teachers. this is what i want to do with my life, i love surgery and i hated gp, and i'm so glad i don't have to suffer through that before doing what i know i like.

ok, sorry for the rambling, but YAY!!!!

now, maybe i can calm down and study, b/c i'm still so freaking nervous about my exam, ack...
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